I started a paper route this week. I've had paper routes in the past, the first one being an attempt to show my son how to work properly. He wouldn't do the paper route nor would he walk the dogs regularly, so I combined the two chores. The first route I had lasted 7 years. Six days a week me and the two dogs went for a walk.
The two dogs were paper-route trained: 'Sit' and 'Stay', of course.
Wait : at intersections
Let's Go : crossing intersections
Stay By Me : if there were other dogs loose
Let's Go To Gramma's House : my mother-in-law lived on my route and we would stop and visit every couple of weeks.
One of the subscribers on the route had a day care business. My big dog would go and lean against the fence so that the little kids could touch her fur through the fence. I had to keep track of which kid got to take the paper to the subscriber. Things like that made it fun to do.
I enjoyed doing the paper route. I liked being outdoors in all kinds of weather. I liked seeing the changes that the different seasons brought. I learned to dress for all the different kinds of weather. I learned to fear freezing rain; no other form of precipitation is as dangerous as freezing rain.
Today I went out and did the new paper route in the rain. I admit, I drove the car. I didn't want 49 wet papers. Even with the car I knew a soaking was inevitable.
For wading thru the wet grass I wore my fishin' shoes. Ratty as they are, they're still comfortable to wear. Shoes that are too worn to be seen in public; well on their way to being trash, but enough protection to wear into a river or stream when you're fishing. If they fall apart you've already got your money's worth from them.
Appropriate attire for a rainy day.
Friday, March 30, 2007
Who's Laughing Now?
Who's laughing now?
You can talk to your kids about the 'real world' until hell freezes over... No need to listen to adults share their experiences. No need to heed the warnings from people who live in the 'real world'. Like your parents, for instance.
I love my daughter, but I am laughing now. Did she think we were wrong? Did she think we were stupid? I sure hope she enjoyed being a lazy-ass twit for three years.
Daughter has a job as a security guard. Her employers want to know about an 18-month blank on her job application. Her employers want to hear from someone besides a relative about that span of time.
I'd be thrilled to tell them what she did during those 18 months: Absolutely nothing.
She didn't go to Russia and become a KGB spy. No way, too much effort. Might have been required to get up before noon. Same applies to Iraq, Iran, and China. Why work if you can mooch off your folks?
She had a paper route at age 14 and that was the last job she did with a good attitude. She worked at Penney's and dissed everyone else who worked there. She worked at a Subway and knew more than the couple who managed it. She worked at Arby's and thought she could tell the manager what hours she would work.
Don't think that we didn't try to get her to work. Of course we did. She would work(a little) at jobs we provided.
She worked for me watering plants one summer and I fired her. I told her plants needed to be watered no later than 10:00 AM. After that it was too hot and watering the plants would cook them. The day she watered the plants at 1:00 PM was the day I fired her. Some of the plants dried out in the heat, wilted past the point of recovery; by the time she watered them they were no longer salable. Most of them lived, being hardy perennials, but they looked like shit. Not plants I could take to farmer's market and sell.
Kids do crap like that and then wonder why their parents are unhappy with them.
Kids run smack-dab into the real world and wonder why their parents are laughing.
You can talk to your kids about the 'real world' until hell freezes over... No need to listen to adults share their experiences. No need to heed the warnings from people who live in the 'real world'. Like your parents, for instance.
I love my daughter, but I am laughing now. Did she think we were wrong? Did she think we were stupid? I sure hope she enjoyed being a lazy-ass twit for three years.
Daughter has a job as a security guard. Her employers want to know about an 18-month blank on her job application. Her employers want to hear from someone besides a relative about that span of time.
I'd be thrilled to tell them what she did during those 18 months: Absolutely nothing.
She didn't go to Russia and become a KGB spy. No way, too much effort. Might have been required to get up before noon. Same applies to Iraq, Iran, and China. Why work if you can mooch off your folks?
She had a paper route at age 14 and that was the last job she did with a good attitude. She worked at Penney's and dissed everyone else who worked there. She worked at a Subway and knew more than the couple who managed it. She worked at Arby's and thought she could tell the manager what hours she would work.
Don't think that we didn't try to get her to work. Of course we did. She would work(a little) at jobs we provided.
She worked for me watering plants one summer and I fired her. I told her plants needed to be watered no later than 10:00 AM. After that it was too hot and watering the plants would cook them. The day she watered the plants at 1:00 PM was the day I fired her. Some of the plants dried out in the heat, wilted past the point of recovery; by the time she watered them they were no longer salable. Most of them lived, being hardy perennials, but they looked like shit. Not plants I could take to farmer's market and sell.
Kids do crap like that and then wonder why their parents are unhappy with them.
Kids run smack-dab into the real world and wonder why their parents are laughing.
Insomnia in Two Generations
Insomnia again. About four times in the last two weeks I've been awake at 2:30 AM. Usually the insomnia is associated with severe stress; this episode doesn't seem to have that association.
I get up out of bed so as not to disturb MySpouse. The dogs trek resignedly down the stairs with me. They curl up on the couch and go back to sleep. I think unkind thoughts about creatures who can sleep. I make coffee. Might as well, it'll be hours before I go back to sleep.
This insomnia isn't nearly as bad as what I've experienced in the past. I'm grateful for that. Grateful also to not have the kind of stress that precipitated the past insomniac episodes.
Yesterday I visited with a woman whose son was a friend of my son when the boys were teenagers. She asked after Nick and I answered "He's doing okay for a guy in prison." I can talk about Nick in a quick glossing-over sort of way, but I can't talk at length or in detail about him. It' s too painful. I'm honest about that with people who do want to talk about Nick.
January 1997 is when Nick was arrested. I lived in a stew of anxiety for the six months before he was sentenced in June 1997. More serious than the kind of things teens are inclined to, he was drunk and cranked, he kidnapped and raped a young lady. I do not condone what he did. I do believe he deserved to be punished.
But not so extremely. First-degree murderers get shorter sentences. Nick was sentenced to serve two 25-year sentences consecutively...one after the other; rather than concurrently...both sentences at the same time. He had no prior arrests for violent crime. No record beyond normal teenage speeding tickets.
He has served 10 years of 50. He was 18 when he was arrested. Nick will be 29 years old on April 30, 2007. The friend's mother asked about parole. I told her I don't even think about it.
If I don't hope, I will not be disappointed.
For most inmates in our prisons there's a family, a mother, siblings, cousins on the outside. Inmates without a caring person on the outside do not fare as well as inmates whose families stay involved with them. Prison is a whole different society than what's out here where we live.
Nick was as frightened by jail and prison as anything he'd ever been scared of before. There wasn't much I could do to help except to listen and explain some things to him.
When he was in jail he had a bout of insomnia. The jailers gave him Benadryl to help him sleep. He called me, all suspicious of a drug he'd never heard of before. I told him that the active ingredient in Benadryl would help him to sleep by making him drowsy. Told him he'd had the drug numerous times in the past as a remedy for cold symptoms. Nothing to fear, says Doctor Mom.
I found some humor in it. He was all worried about the Benadryl, common as it is, but not the least concerned about using crank. Go figure.
I get up out of bed so as not to disturb MySpouse. The dogs trek resignedly down the stairs with me. They curl up on the couch and go back to sleep. I think unkind thoughts about creatures who can sleep. I make coffee. Might as well, it'll be hours before I go back to sleep.
This insomnia isn't nearly as bad as what I've experienced in the past. I'm grateful for that. Grateful also to not have the kind of stress that precipitated the past insomniac episodes.
Yesterday I visited with a woman whose son was a friend of my son when the boys were teenagers. She asked after Nick and I answered "He's doing okay for a guy in prison." I can talk about Nick in a quick glossing-over sort of way, but I can't talk at length or in detail about him. It' s too painful. I'm honest about that with people who do want to talk about Nick.
January 1997 is when Nick was arrested. I lived in a stew of anxiety for the six months before he was sentenced in June 1997. More serious than the kind of things teens are inclined to, he was drunk and cranked, he kidnapped and raped a young lady. I do not condone what he did. I do believe he deserved to be punished.
But not so extremely. First-degree murderers get shorter sentences. Nick was sentenced to serve two 25-year sentences consecutively...one after the other; rather than concurrently...both sentences at the same time. He had no prior arrests for violent crime. No record beyond normal teenage speeding tickets.
He has served 10 years of 50. He was 18 when he was arrested. Nick will be 29 years old on April 30, 2007. The friend's mother asked about parole. I told her I don't even think about it.
If I don't hope, I will not be disappointed.
For most inmates in our prisons there's a family, a mother, siblings, cousins on the outside. Inmates without a caring person on the outside do not fare as well as inmates whose families stay involved with them. Prison is a whole different society than what's out here where we live.
Nick was as frightened by jail and prison as anything he'd ever been scared of before. There wasn't much I could do to help except to listen and explain some things to him.
When he was in jail he had a bout of insomnia. The jailers gave him Benadryl to help him sleep. He called me, all suspicious of a drug he'd never heard of before. I told him that the active ingredient in Benadryl would help him to sleep by making him drowsy. Told him he'd had the drug numerous times in the past as a remedy for cold symptoms. Nothing to fear, says Doctor Mom.
I found some humor in it. He was all worried about the Benadryl, common as it is, but not the least concerned about using crank. Go figure.
Thursday, March 29, 2007
Freakin' Frugal
At last, we have money left over at the end of the month. We celebrated by spending some of it. It was fun to buy books and not have the nagging guilt of budget-busting to deal with. This bit of extra money doesn't mean we get to stop living frugally. Oh, no. That lifestyle will continue.
In part our interests and tolerance contribute to our frugal living.
*We don't watch TV. So there is none of that biggest, baddest, newest TV going on. No commercials to persuade us to buy things we do not need. I know MySpouse feels a little dweebish when the SuperBowl rolls around, but if he really cared about football he could follow it on the Internet.
*I hate cell phones. I don't know of any device that has made people behave more rudely. What I don't understand about cell phones is why people can't talk and drive at the same time. Truckers talk on CB radios without endangering the lives of others. Also I'm amused by people who think that it's more important to have a conversation than to prevent the accident that
they're going to die in.
*Gas engines. Way too loud for me. Neither of us is interested in boats, jet-skis, snowmobiles, motorcycles, ATV's, or 4-wheel drive vehicles. 4-wheel drive is mostly a yuppie status thing. Why do you need 4-wheel drive if you never leave the Interstate? If the only roads you drive on are paved? You don't. But you've helped to keep full-size American vehicles on the road. You've helped auto manufacturers make millions of dollars on vehicles with useless features.
Boats, jet-skis, snowmobiles, motorcycles, ATV's, are, I believe, a way to violate nature with sound and movement. I wouldn't call myself a tree-hugger, but these gas-powered toys produce too much noise for the little entertainment they provide. Like listening to a 5-year-old tell a joke they just made up.
*Addictions. Take a look at what you're spending money on. It doesn't have to be booze or drugs necessarily. You may be purchasing items to pass along to others; children, grandchildren, nieces and nephews. I'm not preaching, folks. I'm currently in the throes of an addiction to Ruffles potato chips. Sounds kind of comical, I know, but as soon as I'm stressed about something I want Ruffles. It's a relief though, to want Ruffles rather than Wild Turkey.
*Credit cards and addictions go hand-in-hand, I think. Credit cards make it easier to spend money. Credit cards make it easier to spend money that isn't yours...yet. Look at the future; is that what you want to do with your money? If you're at the age that me and MySpouse are, early to mid-fifties, you probably do need to look at the future carefully. Who wants to be paying off credit card debt after retirement? Don't plan on filing bankruptcy. With the highest rates of bankruptcy ever, the laws could change any day.
Anyone who writes about frugal living will say exactly what I'm going to say now. Frugal, cheap, inexpensive doesn't mean devoid of fun. Just less expensive fun.
You want to eat out? Plan. Attend a fundraiser meal put on by a local service club in your community. You get to eat, socialize, and help out your community. Plus, donating to a charity makes the food you eat free of calories.
You want to take a break from winter? Go to a local greenhouse. February is when I feel the need to take a break from winter. It's so great to go to the local greenhouse. Green plants, moist air, the scent of wet soil, the promise of spring to come, are a distraction from snow, slush, and cold temperatures.
You're bored and lonely? Stop going to the local bar and see who calls you. Get out of the house. Go someplace where there are people. Join a service club, go to church, volunteer, attend a 12-step meeting.
Every community, but for the very smallest, has opportunities for entertainment.
In part our interests and tolerance contribute to our frugal living.
*We don't watch TV. So there is none of that biggest, baddest, newest TV going on. No commercials to persuade us to buy things we do not need. I know MySpouse feels a little dweebish when the SuperBowl rolls around, but if he really cared about football he could follow it on the Internet.
*I hate cell phones. I don't know of any device that has made people behave more rudely. What I don't understand about cell phones is why people can't talk and drive at the same time. Truckers talk on CB radios without endangering the lives of others. Also I'm amused by people who think that it's more important to have a conversation than to prevent the accident that
they're going to die in.
*Gas engines. Way too loud for me. Neither of us is interested in boats, jet-skis, snowmobiles, motorcycles, ATV's, or 4-wheel drive vehicles. 4-wheel drive is mostly a yuppie status thing. Why do you need 4-wheel drive if you never leave the Interstate? If the only roads you drive on are paved? You don't. But you've helped to keep full-size American vehicles on the road. You've helped auto manufacturers make millions of dollars on vehicles with useless features.
Boats, jet-skis, snowmobiles, motorcycles, ATV's, are, I believe, a way to violate nature with sound and movement. I wouldn't call myself a tree-hugger, but these gas-powered toys produce too much noise for the little entertainment they provide. Like listening to a 5-year-old tell a joke they just made up.
*Addictions. Take a look at what you're spending money on. It doesn't have to be booze or drugs necessarily. You may be purchasing items to pass along to others; children, grandchildren, nieces and nephews. I'm not preaching, folks. I'm currently in the throes of an addiction to Ruffles potato chips. Sounds kind of comical, I know, but as soon as I'm stressed about something I want Ruffles. It's a relief though, to want Ruffles rather than Wild Turkey.
*Credit cards and addictions go hand-in-hand, I think. Credit cards make it easier to spend money. Credit cards make it easier to spend money that isn't yours...yet. Look at the future; is that what you want to do with your money? If you're at the age that me and MySpouse are, early to mid-fifties, you probably do need to look at the future carefully. Who wants to be paying off credit card debt after retirement? Don't plan on filing bankruptcy. With the highest rates of bankruptcy ever, the laws could change any day.
Anyone who writes about frugal living will say exactly what I'm going to say now. Frugal, cheap, inexpensive doesn't mean devoid of fun. Just less expensive fun.
You want to eat out? Plan. Attend a fundraiser meal put on by a local service club in your community. You get to eat, socialize, and help out your community. Plus, donating to a charity makes the food you eat free of calories.
You want to take a break from winter? Go to a local greenhouse. February is when I feel the need to take a break from winter. It's so great to go to the local greenhouse. Green plants, moist air, the scent of wet soil, the promise of spring to come, are a distraction from snow, slush, and cold temperatures.
You're bored and lonely? Stop going to the local bar and see who calls you. Get out of the house. Go someplace where there are people. Join a service club, go to church, volunteer, attend a 12-step meeting.
Every community, but for the very smallest, has opportunities for entertainment.
Monday, March 26, 2007
Ten Things I Like
I couldn't resist making a list. Or a rhyme. This is a cheap entertainment device used by writers who can't think of a topic to write about.
Here's my list:
1. Electric lawnmowers
2. Twinkies
3. Shower gels
4. Cats/dogs
5. Scrabble on the Internet
6. Plastic hangers
7. Flannel sheet-blankets
8. Coffee
9. Rocks
10. Metropolitan Home
1.) I like electric lawnmowers. I worry about running over the dropcord and getting fried, but at least I can start an electric mower. I'm really bad with gas engines. I can count on the fingers of one hand the number of times I've been able to start a gas mower. Now that I weigh enough to win the fight with the pull cord I have no need to do so.
2.) Twinkies are not health food. I think everyone can agree on that. They are as cute as bunnies; who would believe that they could be harmful, either Twinkies or rabbits? At least Twinkies don't breed and chow down on your prize roses.
3.) Shower gels, yay! Gunky bar soaps, boo! I used to buy an inexpensive shampoo and use it as a body wash 20 years ago. The places I lived tended to have bathtubs rather than showers. The inexpensive shampoo didn't cloud the water or leave soap scum in the bathtub. Then too, there was that lovely scent of strawberries to it.
4.) Cats/Dogs...Dogs/Cats. I suppose dogs would be my first choice, but I'm fond of cats also. I appreciate the different attributes of each species. That thing about each species despising the other? I can tell you why that is so. When dogs meet each other they sniff each others' butt. When cats meet each other they sniff each others' faces. Has to do with where scent glands are located in the two species. What it means in practical terms is that when they meet, a cat seems impolite to a dog and a dog seems impolite to a cat. Could this explain the continuing strife in the Middle East?
5.) Scrabble on the Internet, another of my favorite things. I believe that it has kept my marriage intact by providing me with opponents besides MySpouse. I've played for about three years at Internet Scrabble Club (ISC). That has sharpened my skills considerably. One of the most amusing things to observe is people who have never played the board game but have found ISC. One player (?) asked a helper "Is there a less wordy version?" I nearly fell out of my chair laughing. Even MySpouse appreciated the wit behind that question.
6.) I like bright colors for the most part. It's just cool to have a choice between fluorescent orange and fluorescent green plastic hangers. Maybe becuz I was deprived as a child and forced to wear plaid dresses.
7.) I remember these from my childhood. Think you can find them now? A search on the Internet only yields about 3 hits. The closest I can come these days without traveling to Europe is a matelasse bedspread.
8.) Okay, I don't just like coffee. I'm sure it's an addiction of sorts. I tried cutting down on coffee once. In my experiment I found that a cup of water had the same laxative properties as a cup of coffee. I could drink water in the morning then and still be 'regular'. The problem was that water lacked flavor. End of experiment... I drink coffee in the morning.
9.) I have been fascinated by rocks since I was eight years old. I enjoyed all my Earth Science classes in school, even chemistry. I like all kinds of rocks; little polished ones, big
earth-mover-sized ones. MySpouse and I traveling around Iowa will stop at rock piles and pick up homeless rocks. 'No rock left behind' is our motto.
10.) This is what I want my home to resemble. Simply fantasy on my part. Right now my house looks like the backroom of a Salvation Army store. Sad, sad, sad. I'd have to give up some of the six tons of clothing I have. Why, the floor would be visible! Still, that Metropolitan Home look is what I long for.
Well, for "a cheap entertainment device" it was a lot of fun to write. Maybe that's where the charm of a list lies.
Here's my list:
1. Electric lawnmowers
2. Twinkies
3. Shower gels
4. Cats/dogs
5. Scrabble on the Internet
6. Plastic hangers
7. Flannel sheet-blankets
8. Coffee
9. Rocks
10. Metropolitan Home
1.) I like electric lawnmowers. I worry about running over the dropcord and getting fried, but at least I can start an electric mower. I'm really bad with gas engines. I can count on the fingers of one hand the number of times I've been able to start a gas mower. Now that I weigh enough to win the fight with the pull cord I have no need to do so.
2.) Twinkies are not health food. I think everyone can agree on that. They are as cute as bunnies; who would believe that they could be harmful, either Twinkies or rabbits? At least Twinkies don't breed and chow down on your prize roses.
3.) Shower gels, yay! Gunky bar soaps, boo! I used to buy an inexpensive shampoo and use it as a body wash 20 years ago. The places I lived tended to have bathtubs rather than showers. The inexpensive shampoo didn't cloud the water or leave soap scum in the bathtub. Then too, there was that lovely scent of strawberries to it.
4.) Cats/Dogs...Dogs/Cats. I suppose dogs would be my first choice, but I'm fond of cats also. I appreciate the different attributes of each species. That thing about each species despising the other? I can tell you why that is so. When dogs meet each other they sniff each others' butt. When cats meet each other they sniff each others' faces. Has to do with where scent glands are located in the two species. What it means in practical terms is that when they meet, a cat seems impolite to a dog and a dog seems impolite to a cat. Could this explain the continuing strife in the Middle East?
5.) Scrabble on the Internet, another of my favorite things. I believe that it has kept my marriage intact by providing me with opponents besides MySpouse. I've played for about three years at Internet Scrabble Club (ISC). That has sharpened my skills considerably. One of the most amusing things to observe is people who have never played the board game but have found ISC. One player (?) asked a helper "Is there a less wordy version?" I nearly fell out of my chair laughing. Even MySpouse appreciated the wit behind that question.
6.) I like bright colors for the most part. It's just cool to have a choice between fluorescent orange and fluorescent green plastic hangers. Maybe becuz I was deprived as a child and forced to wear plaid dresses.
7.) I remember these from my childhood. Think you can find them now? A search on the Internet only yields about 3 hits. The closest I can come these days without traveling to Europe is a matelasse bedspread.
8.) Okay, I don't just like coffee. I'm sure it's an addiction of sorts. I tried cutting down on coffee once. In my experiment I found that a cup of water had the same laxative properties as a cup of coffee. I could drink water in the morning then and still be 'regular'. The problem was that water lacked flavor. End of experiment... I drink coffee in the morning.
9.) I have been fascinated by rocks since I was eight years old. I enjoyed all my Earth Science classes in school, even chemistry. I like all kinds of rocks; little polished ones, big
earth-mover-sized ones. MySpouse and I traveling around Iowa will stop at rock piles and pick up homeless rocks. 'No rock left behind' is our motto.
10.) This is what I want my home to resemble. Simply fantasy on my part. Right now my house looks like the backroom of a Salvation Army store. Sad, sad, sad. I'd have to give up some of the six tons of clothing I have. Why, the floor would be visible! Still, that Metropolitan Home look is what I long for.
Well, for "a cheap entertainment device" it was a lot of fun to write. Maybe that's where the charm of a list lies.
Saturday, March 24, 2007
Thoughts On Money
"Do you tell your spouse how much you spend?"
I thought it best to reply in the affirmative to that question. I suspect that the woman asking me is self-medicating with retail therapy.
I realized as I began to write that 'how much did you spend' is different than 'what did you buy'. Retail therapy(shopping) can be as harmful to financial health as a gambling addiction. It's about money, it's about control.
I have been under-employed since I closed the consignment clothing business I owned. The bulk of the money in this marriage is what MySpouse earns, 97% I think. I have had a paper route on Wednesday delivering the weekly shopper, pays a whacking $20.00/week, for about a year. There has been no question of my controlling the finances here. I'm okay with that.
I told the asking woman that we've been too broke the past three years for either of us to do much spending, beyond paying bills. Since the bulk of our income is his earnings, we tend to shop together. Every three months or so we'd be ahead $50 or $100 and we would go to a bookstore and each of us buy what we like to read. Sometimes we would need to go to Wal-Mart for a specific item and I would ask if I could buy $5.00 worth of yarn or beads. I used to just assume, but now I ask.
People don't always communicate as well as they should. There's some news, huh? Especially married people. Especially married people who don't want to acknowledge how deep the financial doo-doo is. Or what their part in the mess is. It's not that we lied to each other. It's that we didn't talk about it at all. We didn't talk about the mess, or how to clean it up; we didn't talk about our fears or desires or the future. Becuz, I admit, this is some scary shit.
If we wanted a future we had to talk about finances. Talking about money, dealing with control issues... difficult at the best of times. Damn difficult at the worst of times. We have a history of honesty, however, and that helped us tackle a thorny mess of wants and needs. Being honest with each other was how we started our relationship and being honest is what would
allow us to continue.
We decided that getting out of debt is a priority. MySpouse is 55, I'm 48...retirement isn't so far off. Well, these many months of denial of the pleasure of spending has resulted in a couple of the bigger bills being paid off. For the first time in three years we are current with our bills, on time with the mortgage payment. Three or four months of paying the bills on time isn't going to repair our credit record, but that is not actually our purpose.
There are a great many websites that deal with financial planning, debt reduction, and frugal living. Here are a couple of sites whose advice we've used: Simple Dollar and Debt-Proof Living.
I thought it best to reply in the affirmative to that question. I suspect that the woman asking me is self-medicating with retail therapy.
I realized as I began to write that 'how much did you spend' is different than 'what did you buy'. Retail therapy(shopping) can be as harmful to financial health as a gambling addiction. It's about money, it's about control.
I have been under-employed since I closed the consignment clothing business I owned. The bulk of the money in this marriage is what MySpouse earns, 97% I think. I have had a paper route on Wednesday delivering the weekly shopper, pays a whacking $20.00/week, for about a year. There has been no question of my controlling the finances here. I'm okay with that.
I told the asking woman that we've been too broke the past three years for either of us to do much spending, beyond paying bills. Since the bulk of our income is his earnings, we tend to shop together. Every three months or so we'd be ahead $50 or $100 and we would go to a bookstore and each of us buy what we like to read. Sometimes we would need to go to Wal-Mart for a specific item and I would ask if I could buy $5.00 worth of yarn or beads. I used to just assume, but now I ask.
People don't always communicate as well as they should. There's some news, huh? Especially married people. Especially married people who don't want to acknowledge how deep the financial doo-doo is. Or what their part in the mess is. It's not that we lied to each other. It's that we didn't talk about it at all. We didn't talk about the mess, or how to clean it up; we didn't talk about our fears or desires or the future. Becuz, I admit, this is some scary shit.
If we wanted a future we had to talk about finances. Talking about money, dealing with control issues... difficult at the best of times. Damn difficult at the worst of times. We have a history of honesty, however, and that helped us tackle a thorny mess of wants and needs. Being honest with each other was how we started our relationship and being honest is what would
allow us to continue.
We decided that getting out of debt is a priority. MySpouse is 55, I'm 48...retirement isn't so far off. Well, these many months of denial of the pleasure of spending has resulted in a couple of the bigger bills being paid off. For the first time in three years we are current with our bills, on time with the mortgage payment. Three or four months of paying the bills on time isn't going to repair our credit record, but that is not actually our purpose.
There are a great many websites that deal with financial planning, debt reduction, and frugal living. Here are a couple of sites whose advice we've used: Simple Dollar and Debt-Proof Living.
Thursday, March 22, 2007
Fire Fetish
MySpouse says I have to stop trying to portray us as normal people. Did any of you actually think that?
We have a yellow daisy-shaped kiddie pool in the backyard...for dogs.
We have a cat who runs down the driveway to meet MySpouse when he gets home from work.
As per the title, I have a 'thing' about fire. It started out innocently enough.
I made friends with a young man who came to AA meetings here in town. I had two years of sobriety when we met. At the time I was one of the younger attendees, living only a couple blocks from the meeting place. For the meeting- after- the-meeting my house was convenient. When we started out all we had in common was a desire to stay sober and a love of dogs.
I'm outgoing and mouthy and my young friend thought that was all there was to me. I worked in a factory that mailed out junk mail, surrounded by people and machines, week after week. I had found some pretty, quiet places out in the country where I could go with my dogs and I took Chris to one of them.
At first I drove. As this escapism continued, he drove. He had a Nissan pickup; it was easier to wrangle dogs in his pickup than in my car. Over the course of a couple of years we had settled on a rural park south of town as our usual destination. It was rarely used and we could allow the dogs to run on their own. We'd go every six weeks or so for stress relief.
We would take a thermos of coffee. While the dogs ran around scaring the coyotes he and I would drink coffee and talk about sobriety and relationships. We would make a fire in the firebox/grill at the park. It was soothing, relaxing. We even started going to the park in the wintertime becuz stress never stops. I remember one occasion when the pond was frozen and there was no water available to put out the fire. I solved that problem by heaping snow onto the coals.
Chris was a student at Iowa State University. He worked his way up to being Doctor Chris Peterson. He hunted for a job in keeping with his education and interests and found one. He moved to Mississippi.
I know that professionally and personally he had to go, but his going left a huge hole in my life.
He was my best friend and I missed him terribly. I didn't go out to the rural park for about a year after he left Iowa. When I did go to the park again I asked my husband to go with me. I didn't want to go there by myself and cry over Chris.
During the time that Chris and I were friends I'd divorced my second husband, had a learning experience with a married guy, courted and married my third husband. MySpouse and I live in a big 100-year old house here in town. For the last three years having transportation of my own has been iffy. I couldn't get out to the rural park easily.
I adopted one of the holes that the dog dug in the backyard as a firepit. Just to relieve stress, every couple weeks I'd have a small fire. That has worked up to having a fire almost daily. There are times when it's too windy or precipitating too heavily, too cold or I'm too busy, to have a fire.
My routine is to get up in the morning, come downstairs with the dogs, let them out to potty in the backyard, and either start a fire or add to the coals in the firepit from the day before.
Partly the fire is to relax and partly to practice a survival skill. I met and talked with a refugee from New Orleans in 2005. She came to Iowa to stay with her sister after the hurricane. I felt sorry for Jean, but she also brought home to me the need to be prepared for a disaster. So I practice my fire-making skills.
Having a fire is more than just a hobby for me.
We have a yellow daisy-shaped kiddie pool in the backyard...for dogs.
We have a cat who runs down the driveway to meet MySpouse when he gets home from work.
As per the title, I have a 'thing' about fire. It started out innocently enough.
I made friends with a young man who came to AA meetings here in town. I had two years of sobriety when we met. At the time I was one of the younger attendees, living only a couple blocks from the meeting place. For the meeting- after- the-meeting my house was convenient. When we started out all we had in common was a desire to stay sober and a love of dogs.
I'm outgoing and mouthy and my young friend thought that was all there was to me. I worked in a factory that mailed out junk mail, surrounded by people and machines, week after week. I had found some pretty, quiet places out in the country where I could go with my dogs and I took Chris to one of them.
At first I drove. As this escapism continued, he drove. He had a Nissan pickup; it was easier to wrangle dogs in his pickup than in my car. Over the course of a couple of years we had settled on a rural park south of town as our usual destination. It was rarely used and we could allow the dogs to run on their own. We'd go every six weeks or so for stress relief.
We would take a thermos of coffee. While the dogs ran around scaring the coyotes he and I would drink coffee and talk about sobriety and relationships. We would make a fire in the firebox/grill at the park. It was soothing, relaxing. We even started going to the park in the wintertime becuz stress never stops. I remember one occasion when the pond was frozen and there was no water available to put out the fire. I solved that problem by heaping snow onto the coals.
Chris was a student at Iowa State University. He worked his way up to being Doctor Chris Peterson. He hunted for a job in keeping with his education and interests and found one. He moved to Mississippi.
I know that professionally and personally he had to go, but his going left a huge hole in my life.
He was my best friend and I missed him terribly. I didn't go out to the rural park for about a year after he left Iowa. When I did go to the park again I asked my husband to go with me. I didn't want to go there by myself and cry over Chris.
During the time that Chris and I were friends I'd divorced my second husband, had a learning experience with a married guy, courted and married my third husband. MySpouse and I live in a big 100-year old house here in town. For the last three years having transportation of my own has been iffy. I couldn't get out to the rural park easily.
I adopted one of the holes that the dog dug in the backyard as a firepit. Just to relieve stress, every couple weeks I'd have a small fire. That has worked up to having a fire almost daily. There are times when it's too windy or precipitating too heavily, too cold or I'm too busy, to have a fire.
My routine is to get up in the morning, come downstairs with the dogs, let them out to potty in the backyard, and either start a fire or add to the coals in the firepit from the day before.
Partly the fire is to relax and partly to practice a survival skill. I met and talked with a refugee from New Orleans in 2005. She came to Iowa to stay with her sister after the hurricane. I felt sorry for Jean, but she also brought home to me the need to be prepared for a disaster. So I practice my fire-making skills.
Having a fire is more than just a hobby for me.
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