Sad Songs, Mad Songs

I'm thinking of starting a different blog. I've written mostly humorous pieces for Spook Stuff. I've written about some things in my life that were painful. I haven't written about fear and anger. I thought perhaps I would start another blog to deal with those emotions.

Observation and experience tell me that very few human actions are motivated by love or altruism. Actions motivated by fear and anger are far more frequent than actions motivated by more 'positive' emotions. How many actions in a day are motivated by fear? By anger?

Food for thought; perhaps a whole days' worth.

I would like very much to lessen the amount of fear and anger in my life. Not that there is a huge amount of 'negative' emotions now, but rather, room for improvement.

Alcoholics Anonymous teaches its adherents that anger and resentment are luxuries that an alcoholic cannot afford to indulge in. I have found this to be true for myself. Resentments are particularly deadly for me; a tremendous amount of thought goes into them, using up precious resources like brain cells and friends. Sorry, but friends don't want to listen to ranting.

The truth is that I'm harboring a resentment. Have been for a couple of months. When I was younger I thought that killing a person was the most desirable form of punishment for people that were objects of resentment. I can't say that age has mellowed me any, but killing has been replaced by suffering. I came to realize that killing is quick, but suffering can last a lifetime.

Who should know that better than me?

Anyway, the topic of negative emotions is on my mind. I'm trying to improve my life, I'd like to move on and leave the negative crap behind without killing anyone. Acknowledging all the emotions is the best way to deal with them. Hiding them only leads to blow-ups later, usually at the worst time possible.

I realize that no one's life will be entirely free of negative emotions. I just want less negative stuff in my life and more positive stuff. This actually sounds hopeful, considering how pissed I was when I sat down to write.