Something New

I think I've finally attained the state of life that I've been seeking for years: dull and boring. I'm content to let other people experience excitement, drama, and adventure. Even so, there's a bit of backwash from other people's lives into mine...dead birds, loose dogs, stupid teens, and psychotic employers.

One of the things I've worked at for years is my penchant for being dramatic. I've worked at damping it down, that is. Still, it's as automatic as breathing for me, and so, difficult to monitor. With practice I've gotten better at muffling it; enough so to almost pass as a normie.

Years of attending AA meetings and some counseling on occasion have shown me that creating drama is an activity motivated by fear. Drama is a desire to attract attention; attracting attention is a way to deal with feeling insecure; 'insecurity' is just a longer name for fear. Fear is sneaky about how it manifests itself in one's life, but most often it is an activity with negative connotations. Promiscuity, hypochondria, and addictions are some of the common manifestations of fear.

Yes, we need to be somewhat fearful. I'm not willing to give up my freedom and my life to the first brigand that comes along. I do want to live with less fear in my life. I want to take fewer actions motivated by fear. Often I find myself trying to define where the boundary is between trust and gullibility. There is, I hope, a middle ground between the altruistic clouds and the paranoiac swamps.

My life is dull and boring on the surface. But here where I live is some small adventure in the search for the Land of Less Fear.