Something New

I think I've finally attained the state of life that I've been seeking for years: dull and boring. I'm content to let other people experience excitement, drama, and adventure. Even so, there's a bit of backwash from other people's lives into mine...dead birds, loose dogs, stupid teens, and psychotic employers.

One of the things I've worked at for years is my penchant for being dramatic. I've worked at damping it down, that is. Still, it's as automatic as breathing for me, and so, difficult to monitor. With practice I've gotten better at muffling it; enough so to almost pass as a normie.

Years of attending AA meetings and some counseling on occasion have shown me that creating drama is an activity motivated by fear. Drama is a desire to attract attention; attracting attention is a way to deal with feeling insecure; 'insecurity' is just a longer name for fear. Fear is sneaky about how it manifests itself in one's life, but most often it is an activity with negative connotations. Promiscuity, hypochondria, and addictions are some of the common manifestations of fear.

Yes, we need to be somewhat fearful. I'm not willing to give up my freedom and my life to the first brigand that comes along. I do want to live with less fear in my life. I want to take fewer actions motivated by fear. Often I find myself trying to define where the boundary is between trust and gullibility. There is, I hope, a middle ground between the altruistic clouds and the paranoiac swamps.

My life is dull and boring on the surface. But here where I live is some small adventure in the search for the Land of Less Fear.

Rain on the Brain

Topic, schmopic....I'm going to go sit by the fire in the backyard and be entertained by my dogs.
My butt's going to sleep sitting here. C ya later.

The Cockatiel's Corpse

When this request was first put to me, I thought "These people are absolutely whacked."
Certainly it was out of the ordinary.

"Can we bury our dead cockatiel in your yard? "

Whacked, I tell you. Seems so at first glance.

Extenuating circumstances exist: these folks have birds and cats and live in an apartment house. Where might they bury a beloved pet when they live in an apartment house?

One of the perks of making mortgage payments is that we do have a place to bury small pets that have died. Three kittens, a cat, and an opossum inhabit our 'Pet Sematary' . And now, a cockatiel. While it seemed an odd request (okay, it is odd); to let them bury their bird in our yard was actually a great kindness.

It cost me little to be kind to them. Five minutes to find a spade and dig a small hole. Five minutes more to share their grief at the loss of a pet. As a pet owner I realize that I am responsible for the life of a pet and at the end of a pet's years, responsible for their death.

Like many responsibilities, it is uneasily borne.

Stupid Teens

It's true. We've encountered a nest of stupid teenagers. Usually I'm willing to live and let live, but these kids' permit has expired.

This episode begins with a couple of teen boys in their first apartment. Teen boys, with other teen boys hanging out at their place. I have nothing against boys, per se; after all, I married one. But teen boys are quite something else.

One thing teen boys are good at is attracting teen girls. Unfortunately neither the boys nor the girls have the intelligence that God gave a green worm. These boys are too stupid to successfully steal a bicycle(a post for another day). The girls are given to making crank calls on their cell phones. Like the silly girl who called last nite...after we were in bed asleep...and had to be vicious with our answering machine.

These young people think they invented the word 'F***' (rhymes with duck). We know that's not true. Al Gore invented it shortly after he invented the Internet. The kids also think they invented sex, drugs, booze, and loud music... Oops; I believe my generation gets credit for that.

These teens haven't invented anything. Not even being a pain in the ass

The Continuing Adventures of Daisy Fleabane

Daisy Fleabane sounds like the innocent heroine of an English murder mystery.

Daisy Fleabane is actually a member of the Aster family of plants. Erigeron strigosus or Erigeron annuus; look similar, grow under similar conditions. Like many plants that grow very well Daisy Fleabane is considered a weed. Me being kind of a casual gardener, when Daisy Fleabane showed up in one of my plantings I left her there to grow up and be pretty.

I've never tried using this plant for it's supposed 'flea-bane' properties. When it comes up in my plantings I'm inclined to leave it in place. Daisy fleabane attains the height of the taller asters,
2.5 - 3 feet, with the slender graceful stems of the taller asters, but without the least hint of clunkiness to the white blooms. I find it pleasant to see a plant whose blooms are in proportion to its leaves and stems.

About two years ago I had occasion to attend a funeral. There's not a lot of laughter at funerals generally, so I just smiled to myself and chuckled inside. In one of the flower arrangements the local florist had used daisy fleabane as filler instead of baby's-breath. I was amazed that there was someone else who appreciated the attributes of daisy fleabane besides myself. A bit of lightness in a dark day, as it were.

Something About Rain

I would like to talk about something besides the weather. Or, rather, not talk about it in every post.

But today it's the topic that concerns me. A great deal of business in Iowa is based in agriculture and agriculture worships the weather. MySpouse and I are the children of farmers; we follow the weather fairly closely via the Internet. At this time most of Iowa is doing all right for precipitation.

It's a bit on the dry side here, tho; lawns are beginning to brown, the soil is cracking in places. I'm watering daily; all of the plants that are in pots and some that are in the ground. I've watched on the radar as storms get near our area and then split and go around. Frustrating, but until I'm elected President of the Universe I'll have to live with it.

Watering plants daily, sometimes twice a day if I have time. Watching the water flowing from the hose and anticipating the amount of the water bill. Knowing from my experience with horticulture that watering will keep the plants alive but it's not the same as rain. Eating shredded wheat will keep a human alive (I think), but it's not the same as chili dogs.

We've had rain, of course. It has come at about two-week intervals. Often enough to keep the crops growing, but long enough between rains to incite people to pray. I know I have been.
Praying, leaving the car windows down, leaving clothing on the clothesline...doing my part to coax some precipitation to this area.

Sad Songs, Mad Songs

I'm thinking of starting a different blog. I've written mostly humorous pieces for Spook Stuff. I've written about some things in my life that were painful. I haven't written about fear and anger. I thought perhaps I would start another blog to deal with those emotions.

Observation and experience tell me that very few human actions are motivated by love or altruism. Actions motivated by fear and anger are far more frequent than actions motivated by more 'positive' emotions. How many actions in a day are motivated by fear? By anger?

Food for thought; perhaps a whole days' worth.

I would like very much to lessen the amount of fear and anger in my life. Not that there is a huge amount of 'negative' emotions now, but rather, room for improvement.

Alcoholics Anonymous teaches its adherents that anger and resentment are luxuries that an alcoholic cannot afford to indulge in. I have found this to be true for myself. Resentments are particularly deadly for me; a tremendous amount of thought goes into them, using up precious resources like brain cells and friends. Sorry, but friends don't want to listen to ranting.

The truth is that I'm harboring a resentment. Have been for a couple of months. When I was younger I thought that killing a person was the most desirable form of punishment for people that were objects of resentment. I can't say that age has mellowed me any, but killing has been replaced by suffering. I came to realize that killing is quick, but suffering can last a lifetime.

Who should know that better than me?

Anyway, the topic of negative emotions is on my mind. I'm trying to improve my life, I'd like to move on and leave the negative crap behind without killing anyone. Acknowledging all the emotions is the best way to deal with them. Hiding them only leads to blow-ups later, usually at the worst time possible.

I realize that no one's life will be entirely free of negative emotions. I just want less negative stuff in my life and more positive stuff. This actually sounds hopeful, considering how pissed I was when I sat down to write.